After much deliberation, historians from all over the world declared today that Marcus Garvey did, in fact, shoot the Kennedys.
In a related development, nobody has this event captured on their cell phone. Not one person. Digest that, Earth.
Today’s Weather: Bacon-ish with some cocaine snow…
Anonymous 1: “Hey Steven, did you hear? They found 2 more of those pig famine up in Craigview this morning. And the truth is they’re not even sure if they’re from around here…. because… you can’t tell.”
Anonymous 2: “Oh wow, Brock. That sounds serious. Were there any survivors?”
Anonymous 1: “No, Steven… and the weird thing is… is is is is that there weren’t even any pigs.”
On a related note, I recently dark-fucked Megan Fox so pulverizingly hard that she came fresh cow’s milk.